Dating Violence
Dating violence is a serious and sadly common crisis. One in five high school girls have been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Additionally, 32% of college students report dating violence by a previous partner, and 21% report violence by a current partner.
Dating violence is any purposeful controlling, violent and intimidating behavior in a dating relationship. Dating violence can happen in both casual and serious relationships and in straight and gay relationships. It happens among all age, ethnic and social groups. Both girls/women and boys/men can be the victims of or the perpetrators of dating violence. Dating violence includes but is not limited to:
Verbal and Emotional Abuse
- Putting a partner down, calling them names or manipulating their feelings so the abuser can get their way.
- Threatening a partner physically, emotionally or sexually.
- Intimidating a partner with angry outbursts
- Controlling a partner with excessive jealousy and/or accusations of having affairs.
- Lying to a partner in order to get them to do what the abuser wants.
- Demanding accountability of a partner’s whereabouts and whom they are with.
- Controlling what a partner can wear, where they can go, and what they can do.
- Isolating a partner from family and friends and social (or other), activities.
Physical Abuse
- Shoving or pushing, pulling hair, pinching, slapping, hitting or strangling (choking), preventing a partner from leaving by restraining them or blocking their exits.
Sexual Abuse
- Forcing or pressuring a partner into participating in sexual activities that they do not want to participate in or feel uncomfortable with.
- Preventing or sabotaging safe sex.
- Dishonesty about or failing to make a partner aware of any sexually transmitted diseases the abuser may have.
- Giving a partner alcohol or drugs with the intention of altering their physical or mental capacities. Having any sexual relations with a partner if they are physically or mentally incapacitated.
The good news is that dating violence is preventable. If we educate ourselves and our loved ones on what abusive versus healthy dating behavior looks like and hold each other accountable for healthy behaviors and expect only healthy relationships, we can avoid the untold damage dating violence causes. For parents of boys it is imperative that they begin and continue having open discussions with their adolescent and young adult sons and are very clear that healthy masculinity includes treating others with respect. It never includes committing physical, sexual or emotional abuse. For parents of girls and boys, Liz Claiborne Inc. offers a handbook to help start the conversations. You can follow the link below to view the handbook: http://loveisnotabuse.com/pdf/10questions_hand.pdf
Warning signs of a loved one who may be in an abusive dating relationship:
- Bruises, scratches or other injuries that she/he tries to make excuses for
- Withdrawal from favorite hobbies or activities
- Withdrawal from friends or family
- Often changes plans at the last minute (new behavior)
- Changes in personality or becomes abnormally secretive
- Increased anxiety or depression
- Failing grades or missed school or work
- Noticeable changes in clothing or other personal styles
- Defense of dating partner’s abusive actions
- Is afraid of the dating partner
- Dating partner criticizes or puts her/him down
- Dating partner is constantly calling/texting to keep track of her/him