Common Myths and Facts
- Myth: Men and women are equally violent.
- Fact: Women are much more likely than men to be victimized by a current or former intimate partner. Women make up 84% of spouse abuse victims and about three-fourths of the persons who commit family violence are male.
- Myth: It is not domestic violence unless you have been punched with a fist, had a bone broken or been given a black eye.
- Fact: A "little slap" is violence. So is intentionally humiliating and degrading the survivor, pushing, shoving, throwing things, destroying property to intimidate, threatening violence, or forcing a partner to engage in sexual activities against her or his will. All of these things, along with punching, kicking, biting choking, burning, and injury with weapons are violence. If violence - or a threat of violence of any kind - has happened more than once or twice, it is extremely likely to happen again.
- Myth: A woman who is beaten brings it upon herself by nagging or provoking her partner.
- Fact: No one deserves or chooses to be abused. The abusers choose to take violent action for their own reasons and are just as responsible for those actions as the abuser would be if they committed a violent crime against a different member of society.
- Myth: Domestic violence is not that big of a problem.
- Fact: On average more than three women a day are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends in the United States. In 2008, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published data collected in 2005 that finds that women experience two million injuries from intimate partner violence each year.
- Myth: Abusers have an anger problem and are not in control.
- Fact: Most abusers do not have an anger problem. They are in full control throughout their daily lives, choosing not to treat others abusively but choosing to treat their partner abusively. In fact, abusers will often control how they physically abuse their victim, deciding to use violence in areas that will not show such as hitting the area of the head covered by hair or assaulting a part of the body that is usually covered by clothing. An example of anger control: An abuser is violently angry with their intimate partner but when the police arrive, the abuser is calm and cool stating that the partner is crazy or overreacting to nothing. A small number of abusers do have anger problems but they are still responsible for the actions they take with an intimate partner, just as they are with their co-workers, their boss, and the rest of society.
- Myth: Alcohol and/or drugs cause domestic and/or sexual violence.
- Fact: Abusers will often blame their violent behavior on alcohol or drugs as an excuse to avoid responsibility for their actions. Some abusers will use drugs or alcohol on purpose to cover up that their abuse was pre-planned. Drugs and alcohol do fuel violence but they do not cause someone to become an abuser; that is a learned behavior. Alcohol and drug addiction or inappropriate use is a separate problem and should be addressed as such.