Safety Planning

Protect Your Children

• If you have children and the abuser lives with you, please be aware that it is required of all parents to protect their children from being exposed to domestic violence. Many well-intentioned parents believe that their children do not know what is going on. Children almost always know more then their parents are aware of. Exposure to domestic violence can negatively impact children emotionally, socially and developmentally. If you are being abused, it is not your fault. For your safety and the safety of your children, please seek help.
• Talk to your children about safety but do not give more information than you need to. Children can become distressed by being placed in the role of confidant or given information that is not age-appropriate.
• If you are living with an abuser or are in fear that he will come to your home, plan safe hiding places for your children ahead of time. Try to make it a game but make sure they understand that if there are any adults fighting then they are to hide in their secret hiding place and not try to intervene. Adults fighting are never the fault of the children. If possible, arrange for a safe neighbor to be the go-to person for the child if adults are fighting.
• Practice escape routes out of your home. This is a good thing to do in case of fire as well. Make it a game with positive praise for quickly leaving the home and meeting at your agreed-upon spot.
• Teach children to call 911 and have them memorize their address. It is always a good idea for children to know this as young as possible.
• If the abuser is living with you, pack and store in a hidden but accessible place an overnight bag for each child. The bag should have a change of clothing and pajamas, toothbrush, favorite travel game, comforting stuffed animal and/or blanket. If possible, it is always good to pack a flashlight, a couple of books and a snack and drink.
• Talk to children about their feelings, let them know that they can talk to you and that no matter what they are loved and will always be taken care of. If the abuser has been verbally or physically violent when the children have been home, make sure you help them understand that it is nothing they have done or that you have done. The abuser made some choices that were not very good ones but that have nothing to do with them or you.
• If you leave your home and are in hiding or just staying somewhere else, it is important to keep as much of a normal routine as possible for the children. Accustomed bedtime routines like brushing teeth, bathing, singing songs or reading books are important for children to feel safe. So is getting up in the morning at the same time as usual and following your day�s routine, including following play and nap schedules as closely as possible.
• Consider seeking out counseling and support services for your children. It is a good idea for children to have several safe people to rely on and trust. A school counselor or a child�s therapist can help offer your child support in times of stress. These relationships can also give you support.