How to recognize an abuser:
- Pressures you into a serious relationship soon after you have met. The abuser will often site love at first sight, you were made for each other, you are the only one who understands him/her etc.
- Excessive or possessive jealousy (often labeled as a sign of love)
- Controlling behavior such as demanding to know what you are doing, when you will return, who you are with etc.
- Isolation: the abuser attempts to isolate you further and further from your friends, family, and other support networks. The abuser may even try to isolate you geographically from everything and everyone you know. He/she may state that if you really loved him/her then they would be all you need.
- Blaming you or others for anything and everything wrong, rarely accepts personal responsibility.
- Blames all past relationship problems on the ex-partner and/or their family or friends.
- Hypersensitivity: the abuser takes all unrelated comments, independent thinking, and opinions different from his/her own as personal attacks. The abuser reacts to everyday setbacks such as parking tickets or cancellations of plans as personal injustices.
- Cruelty to animals: the abuser is insensitive to the feelings or needs of animals. The abuser may torture the animal for fun or seriously neglect the animal�s basic needs such as the need for food or water.
- Cruelty towards children: the abuser may have unrealistic expectations of children and become angry as if they purposely did not do as they were expected. He/she may tease children cruelly or over-punish them. He/she may be jealous of time or attention given to the children.
- Use of manipulation or force in sex: the abuser may manipulate or force you to participate in sexual activities such as viewing pornography or sexual games that you are not comfortable with. They may pressure you by sulking, or by physical force to have sex when you are tired, ill, or not in the mood. They may not let you choose your own protection or may insist on using no protection during sex.
- History of domestic or sexual violence: he/she may confess that they have been arrested or involved in previous violence but that it was not their fault. Friends or family members may warn you about previous violence but the abuser defends all accusations as unwarranted. Past violence is one of the strongest indicators that abuse will occur. If possible, try to speak to their previous partners or get a thorough background check done.
- Negative attitude towards your sex or rigid gender rules; the abuser may start out telling you that you are different but if they make negative comments about others in your gender group, you will likely be next. If the abuser expects you to stay within rigid gender roles and chastises you for not meeting those expectations, this is a warning that things may very well get worse.