Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, including men, wealthy or privileged people, and even those who are successful leaders in our community. Domestic violence often goes unnoticed, excused, or minimized. Survivors and their families frequently keep violence a secret for reasons including: fear of the abuser, being blamed for the abuser’s actions, or not being believed. Domestic and sexual violence are among the most under-reported crimes in our nation and yet they can have some of the most horrific outcomes.
Recognizing the warning signs of domestic violence is the first step to protecting oneself. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the following warning signs of abuse, please reach out. There is help available.
Do you:
- Feel afraid of you partner’s anger or unpredictable behavior much of the time?
- Feel responsible for your partner’s anger or behavior or justify it as not his/her fault?
- Keep trying to change or do things differently so your partner will not be angry with you?
- Find you are making excuses to friends, family or co-workers as to why you can’t see them, when it is actually your partner who is not letting you?
- Fear for your children’s safety?
- Hide or make up lies to cover up bruises or other injuries inflicted by the abuser?
- Wonder if you are crazy?
- Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
- Feel you have to ask to go places or to visit people?
- Feel ashamed and unable to let others know what is really going on?
- Spend time planning and arranging how to make yourself, your children or your environment acceptable to him/her so they will not be set off?
Does your partner:
- Regularly humiliate you, put you down, or tell you that you are crazy?
- Force or manipulate you into participating in or having sex when you do not want to or are uncomfortable with it?
- Blame you for his/her anger or violent behaviors?
- Threaten to take your children away, harm you or your friends, family members, or pets?
- Threaten suicide if you leave him/her?
- Control all the finances and financial decisions?
- Threaten you if you tell someone how you are being treated?
- Isolate you from friends and family, employment, or other support networks?
- Minimize or deny your basic needs such as respite care, medical attention, or clothing?
- Excessively accuse you of having affairs, being unfaithful or planning to be unfaithful?
- Limit your access to transportation, money, the phone or the computer?
- Constantly check-up on you and demand to know what you were doing and whom you were with?
- Treat you like you belong to him/her and must do as he/she says?
- Undermine or put down your abilities, accomplishments or talents?
- Deny you any authority in the household or equal say in the relationship?
- Tell you that no one would want you and that you are fat, ugly or disgusting?
- Tell you any past sexual or domestic violence you have experienced was your fault or that you cause people to treat you badly?